This is a response to this article. So, I started writing this post sometime at the beginning of this here panini, and wasn't able to finish it until now due to mental health reasons. I feel like it's a little dated, my feelings are the same but also so much more as I've experienced the… Continue reading i’m b[l]ack, yall
existing (it hurts, but it’s ok; i’m used to it)
Today I'm feeling lots of feels. Blickety Black feels. Being Black is something I'm always aware of. The times I've forgotten, I've been very quickly reminded of my Blackness. So I'm always in my Blickety Black feels; sometimes, it's just more intrusive. This week has been one of those times. I know that a lot… Continue reading existing (it hurts, but it’s ok; i’m used to it)
colorblindness and other kinds of privilege
"I don't see race." On the surface, this might seem like a harmless statement affirming that race doesn’t matter to you one way or another. You may think you're uber progressive by stating something like this, and that your POC friends applaud you for being such a libertarian or whatever. But what it's really doing… Continue reading colorblindness and other kinds of privilege
is it lebensmüde?
Youtube: Anathema - Regret (Türkçe Altyazı) "Disappointment comes with EVERY SINGLE CHOICE. I've learned to deal with my present disappointments since there are others I could be suffering." This was a comment an acquaintance made on one of my friend's social media posts. I can't remember if the post was about family, romantic relationships, or… Continue reading is it lebensmüde?
heart of the matter
I'm learning to live without you now But I miss you, baby And the more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I'd figured out I have to learn again I've been trying to get down To the heart of the matter But my will gets weak And my thoughts seem… Continue reading heart of the matter
2018. Here we are. I've been reflecting on this past year this week. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not so much. 2017 was a wild ride. Naturally, there is the impact of all the worldwide nonsense that occurred on my mental and emotional state (and I know many people can empathize with me on that). But there is… Continue reading reflection
Today I sat in my cubicle at work and cried. Due to my ex's vindictive actions, I was taken off the contract I previously worked on for my company. And since we...they...don't have any open positions in the DC area, unless I want to move, I will probably have to leave. Every single person at… Continue reading goodbye.
"After my divorce, I lost a great deal of confidence in my ability to judge the viability of relationships." I read this quote quite a few months ago, and even then I felt it. Deep within me, bouncing around my heart and my mind. It's been three months since I've written anything. I could promise… Continue reading doubt.
I've told myself that I would start writing more regularly again. And I haven't. Usually my excuse is that I'm busy. This time, it is because I don't know what to say. So much has happened the last few weeks that have me busy, so I could use that as an excuse: holidays, family issues,… Continue reading speechless.
I recently was introduced to the concept of learned helplessness. Learned helplessness occurs when an animal is repeatedly subjected to an averse stimulus that it cannot escape. Eventually, the animal will stop trying to avoid the stimulus and behave as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation, even when opportunities to escape are… Continue reading helplessness.