Polyamory · Relationships · Self Improvement

failed relationships.

I hate this term.

For me, it implies that relationships are tests. Which means check the correct box, say the correct short answers, pick the “right” option (it’s always C). It may be multiple choice, but there’s really only one “best” answer, right

Being a bit of a relationship anarchist, I mentally gagged typed that.

No, I believe that relationships are experiences.

I hate crowds, I hate small talk, and I’ve been called “mean but tactful” on occasion (I prefer to think that I’m direct and tactful, but I’ll take the previous statement too). I think all this points to what I would say is one of the principal traits that forms my personality: I love connections. I love hearing other’s stories, seeing what we have in common, sharing experiences, debating topics, pondering the meaning of everything and nothing. I love new knowledge, old knowledge, etymology, word connotations, and the never ending attempt to understand exactly what someone really means when they say something and why that meaning varies when another person says the same damn thing, based on their individual personal experiences, personalities, and culture. It follows then that I also love and cherish experiences, where I can learn and understand more about both myself and others.

Hence, in my opinion every relationship (romantic, familial, and platonic) is an experience. I love exploring these connections. I learn more about myself through interacting with others and then reflecting on those interactions.

Sometimes that reflection leads to me putting up better boundaries. Sometimes it leads to me fostering deep, lifelong connections that constantly challenge me and sometimes cause me to shift my perspective on various topics.

And a lot of times, it leads to me ending a relationship. But I don’t see that as a failure at all.

There is nothing lacking in someone because they discovered more about themselves and their needs and wants. There is no reason to feel defeat if you realize that someone’s influence does not line up with your life goals. I think it’s an accomplishment to recognize when something isn’t working for you and remove yourself from it (or them) if need be.

For me, THAT is the meaning of success.

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