better.

Earlier this week, I officially filed for divorce.

Since then, I have been emailed or facebooked by several people who know my ex, asking for me to give them a call. I refused. And they proceeded to tell me to be careful. That my ex has messaged or emailed or called them, threatening to harm me, my boyfriend, and/or himself.

I’ve had evidence that he has been stalking me on my social media profiles – all of which he is blocked from. He has found workarounds – sock puppet accounts, hacking into mutual friends accounts.

Even amidst all this troubling behavior (which should validate my thoughts on the emotional abuse he put me through during our relationship), I still feel somewhat like a failure.

Like if I was “better,” then I wouldn’t have had to leave. If I was “stronger,” I could have made things work. If I was any myriad of things…

::sigh:: I wish my brain didn’t take any chance it could to bring me down…even after all the progress I’ve made, it still takes only one word, one thought to create that feeling of helplessness.